You are most likely friends with the Real Housewives of Miami.

The Joanna
This friend is already pretty outspoken and due to them being insanely high on the hotness scale they can get away with it sober. However, get a few drinks in them and they’ll make or (literally) break the party. Some are happy drunks, some are horny drunks, but the Joanna is a prime example of an angry drunk. Alcohol is the clear cause of many of the Joanna’s problems and they should probably seek professional help, seeing as a few mixed drinks has them call things off with their partner, kick you out of your apartment, and take a few haymakers to the face. All in a night’s work.

The Lea
They’ve got more money than you, more friends than you, and they’re most definitely calling (and pouring) the shots for you. The Lea likes to ask What’s in this friendship for me? They like to play both sides of the spectrum and while not as much of a gossip as the Karent, they definitely won’t hesitate to stir the pot. No one wants to get on the Lea’s bad side because of their power to ruin you. Everyone looks up to them only because they want to be them. The Lea is the friend you text when you’re in a sticky situation and even if the read receipt shows up they’ll insist they never received it, causing you to fork over yet another twenty dollars to local taxi services.

The Marysol
The quintessential floater. They see everyone as a friend whilst everyone sees them as more of an acquaintance. They’ve been part of the group for a while and you don’t even know how your started running with them and the only reason you keep tolerating them is because they’re friends with a lot of fun basket cases. While this seems all fine and dandy, many forget that the real problem with the Marysol is that they’re bankrupt of any sort of responsibility. Putting that public relations degree to good use, the Marysol is never really sorry, and is merely sweeping it under the rug for the next fool (the Ana, most likely) to clean up. Many of these instances ultimately go unnoticed because everyone could really care less about them.

The Adriana
While not as attractive standing next to the Joanna, they take note of their marginal hotness and hang on to that for dear life. The Adriana is always showing up in something low-cut, low-class, or just plain slutty. They’re probably a little older than you and have no real path to go down. They had something going for them in the past but most likely didn’t take advantage of it and now work a mundane job with a mundane boyfriend and live in a mundane apartment. Their only real release is partying and socializing so they’ll go all out whether you like it or not. Most look at the Adriana and feel a lot better about themselves.

The Lisa
If you’ve ever watched an episode of The Real Housewives of Miami (judging from the ratings, that’s not many of you), you know what I mean when I say that Lisa is 98% plastic. She’s got a set of plastic tits with a brain to match. I’m not saying there’s anything bad about giving a sandwich bag a run for its money, but the Lisa might not exactly be the sharpest knife in the drawer. They make up for this by being the only remotely humane person you know. The Lisa is young, harmless, and always down for a good time. You call up the Lisa when you’re looking to get obliterated and not having to worry about waking up with a scarlet A branded into your chest.

The Ana
What the Ana has going for them professionally they severely lack in their personal life. Often seen still hurting from a past flame, serially dating, or getting emotionally attached to something strictly sexual, the Ana is like a viewing of Bridget Jones’s Diary that just won’t end. They crave structure in both aspects of life and are usually seen at the brink of a breakdown throughout the day. Due to the fact that they’ve spent enough hours with their therapist to obtain a PhD, the Ana is more of the friend you confide in instead of the friend you take out.

The Karent
You often ask why you keep this one around. Usually you or one of the others has a problem with them and it usually overshadows whatever you all have going on. A perpetual shit-stirrer, the Karent is skilled in the art of denial and usually blames whatever drama is going on on being misunderstood when you know they’re just simply a lunatic. The Karent is usually present due to one of the more powerful ones (the Joanna, the Lea) somehow taking a liking to them. A primary producer of gossip, you ultimately realize that the Karent is undeniably valuable to the food chain that is your social life. A Karent keeps the drama fresh, and you would be a lot less entertained without them.

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